20 Things I’ve Learned in 20 Years of Marriage

1. Respect, love, and adoration come easy sometimes, but often it’s a choice.

2. Dating each other holds magic. Whether it’s a bonafide date night, lunch on an unexpectedly free day, or curling up to watch a movie on the couch, carving out time for just us is essential. Talking, laughing, and focusing on each other strengthens us for the days when the world tries to tear us apart or beat us down.

Sunset picnic on Skyline Drive. Part of our commitment to date nights twice a month.

3. A praying hubby makes for a strong wife.  (and vice versa, of course)

4. If you call your hubby “hunky hubby” on social media for more than a decade, people in town begin to call him that too. (sorry babe, now the whole world knows you’re a hunk!)

5. You’ll fall in love with your hubby over and over again. Each new season of life brings a chance to see your man in new ways. I thought I could never love him more than when we fell in love and got married. Then I saw him as a dad and I loved him differently, more deeply. From births to deaths, mission trips to vacations, I find I learn something new about him each season, and I fall in love again.

6. There is an unspoken love language in looks from across the room, hand squeezes, standing close, and winks.  

Slightly blurry, but beautiful moment captured when hunky hubby and I were praying with a family in El Salvador.

7. Some discussions shouldn’t be had on empty stomachs because hangry people can’t solve problems.

8. Some of my favorite moments, inside jokes, and laughs come as we lay in the dark, drifting off to sleep.

9. I love the sound of his belly laugh.

10. Family trees can look like Aspen groves. Families expand in a myriad of ways.

11. Putting together furniture makes for a terrific marriage workshop. Lots of growth opportunities!  Also, nerf gun wars are great family therapy sessions!

One year for his birthday, we ambushed hunky hubby when he got home from work. The nerf war that ensued brought so much laughter and fun.

12. Great love stories aren’t truly written as grand romantic tales but in the everyday moments of life. In hands held and stolen kisses, next to death beds and over sick babies, in family dinners and quiet date nights, in airplane rides and road trips, in budgets and grocery lists, in late-night laughter and sunrise commutes, in hard truths and acceptance, in inside jokes and family culture, in sacrifice and abundance, in long gazes into green eyes and the comfort of his presence.

13. Medical emergencies, sick kids, and random pet issues never come at opportune moments.

14. Some of the best stories, funniest memories, and long-standing family traditions are created when money’s tight or plans go awry.

15. We should be the loudest cheerleaders for our spouses – publicly and privately!

16. No Hollywood leading man, rock star, or heartthrob has anything on my man.

17. Some days, you’ll look at each other, grin, and say, “Can you believe this is our life?” Other days, you’re on all fours cleaning up dog vomit, look at each other, and say, “This is our life.”

18. Choosing to live a life open to others: allows people to see the dust bunnies that sometimes blow across the floor, means there is often a group of teenagers digging through our fridge, requires a stash of paper plates & random party supplies, creates a home where everyone is welcome and loved.

19. There's nothing magical about smooching under the mistletoe, slow dancing in the kitchen or snuggling on the couch, but they do have the uncanny ability to simultaneously strengthen your marriage and gross out your kids -- especially when frequently practiced.

20. A loving, godly marriage builds its own legacy, impacts the community, and changes lives…it has changed mine.